A little science lesson on density.

I was frolicking about on the internet just now, just letting the mind veg out and feeling a little guilty about it when I ran across this awesome video plug this Dad did with his kids.  So, I am posting it here because then I can tell myself that the past 20 minutes I just spent staring at a computer screen wasn't a complete waste of time.  Oh, and I really do think you guys will all be fascinated by it too.  Check it out here.

Stef

Bless the Broken Road...

When Jordan and I got married our "First Dance" song was by Rascal Flatts and it was "Bless the Broken Road."  It's a beautiful song and it fit pretty perfectly at the time.  Ironically, it still fits.  Life is a broken road.  It's not a straight path, it's certainly not smooth, and it is unpredictable.  It's also beautiful and winding and has lessons hiding right behind every turn.  I wouldn't want my life to be like a freeway.  Straight and boring.  Who would want that, anyway?  If you feel like listening to it, then here ya go...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do32g82qilk

Oh, a side note while I am thinking about it:  Mom has been saying she would like each of our love stories for quite awhile.  Maybe we can put our stories on here?  Just a thought.  

My anxiety/depression levels have been as bad as they ever were.  Dark thoughts and hopelessness and guilt and numbness all rolled into one ragged ball.  Can you hear my road breaking from where you are reading this?  However, I think I am on the road to recovery.  I fell asleep before 9:30 last night.  Little triumphs really matter to me right now.  It's interesting that when the chemical/hormone imbalance really sets in there is both clarity and confusion.  Things that have been just sorta buggin' at you for a few months suddenly come to the forefront and BAM!  They are clear as day.  But the ability to rationalize and process becomes more and more mushed up.  That is the place I have been lost in for a couple of months.  Now that things are settling and finding their place or not finding their place and being tossed out, I have found myself left with a different me.   We are constantly evolving, but there are those times when we are transformed so quickly and drastically that we are unrecognizable to ourselves and we have to get used to it.  Am I the only person that feels like this?  There have been a handful of these experiences in my life.  When Ben was born, when Daren Cornelius died, when I met Pismo Beach, when I fell in love with Jordan, when I woke up and saw Jake in my bed sleeping by me, when I realized that post partum depression was beyond my control, and when I had a miscarriage.  Epic moments.  Just thinking of these glimpses of time gets me all misty-eyed.  I have felt God in each of these moments.  Real and raw and sacred.  And in the end all that we really have is love.  Pure love.  Charity.  It binds all of these experiences together and it's all that matters.

Because of the emotional turmoil in this house, the food situation has been different than usual.  Boring.  I've cut the sugar/white flour intake back as well so that complicates things a bit as well.  I really want to make the Chile Rellenos Casserole that is floating around Pinterest right now. Here is a link to it: http://hello-homebody.com/2013/07/27/chile-rellenos-casserole/  Can you say YUM???

I should do some meal planning this weekend.  Maybe I will be feeling up to it.  Maybe I won't.  I do plan on heading over to Farmer's Market on Saturday morning.  Pretty excited to stroll through the vendor's stations.  Sometimes it gets too crowded, but I know I'd like some raw, local honey and some of that crazy good marbled rye so I will fight the crowds for those things.  Oh, and maybe some vegetables and fruits too.

-Stef

Baby wipes, gardening, crocheting..OH MY!

The past couple weeks have been crazy. I have been dealing with an insane amount of anxiety and stress. SO I have been doing lot of things to try to make myself feel better or more in control. I have made baby wipes, planted a garden, *Lord, please let it flourish*, and started knitting and crocheting. I CAN CONTROL THESE THINGS! Yay me.

 

First, homemade baby wipes: Lately Alaina has been getting a pretty red butt from the wipes that have worked her whole life. I was constantly thinking something was wrong when all it was, was the wipes. She's got a sensitive booty. So,

 

1. Cut a roll of paper towels in half (which surprisingly, is incredibly difficult to do).  

2. Boil 1 cup of water

3. Add 1 tbs. of baby wash to warm water(we use baby-ganics but you can use any kind)

4.Add 1 tbs. of coconut oil to warm water.

5. Once everything is combined, pour into container big enough for 1/2 roll of paper towels

6. Add 1/2 roll and let it soak for 5 minutes, then flip it over and let the other side soak it in. After about 10 minutes pull the cardboard center out.

 

They are SO amazing and don't bother her butt at all.

 

Some rough edges

A few more pictures from the last couple weeks.

Our garden. Hopefully in about 50-70 days we will have home grown carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, zucchini, and kale! Mmmm

She loved the homemade Alfredo sauce we made last week.

The crochet infinity scarf for Alaina.

We love playing with rice and noodles OUTSIDE! Alaina likes them inside also ;)


Tonight's adventure will be homemade garlic cheese rolls. I know, I'm late to homemade bread train.

-Ashley

 

First post of the New Year

Well it's been about a year since I've posted. So much has changed but it's still very much the same. I am still horrible at meal planning and we still have the "oh well, let's just go get a rotisserie chicken from raleys" convo. BUT hey! It's better than jack-in-the box! That's thanks to the little one that will only eat what we eat. No jumbo jacks for her! Our baby girl is 17 months old and so much fun! I have never felt so out of control of time as I have since becoming a mom. Days feel like they are dragging on but speeding past me all at once. Every day it's "one hour till nap time, 30 minutes till dad gets home" then I BLINK and it's next month. I feel like just last week it was Christmas. It's a frustrating thing for me. Every time you see a new little blessing join this world you can look around at all the other people who have been down this road. Grandparents, great-grandparents. They all look at you (the younger ones who are experiencing something for the first time) with such happiness in their eyes but I feel like (in the times I'm seeing more spiritually than others) also a sadness, or warning maybe. Hard to describe. But they just smile, stare at you, but have that look like "don't blink". They all already know how this goes. They know how fast the days go, how one day your baby wants only you and it's the most frustrating thing but someday very soon they'll show up with a significant other and you can't just grab them and hold them and bite their cheeks (what I love doing to Alaina). I wish time would slow. 

Anyways...Now I'm crying.

I made granola bars! My phone won't let me put a picture but here's the recipe:

2 1/2 Cups oats

1/2 Cup sliced almonds

Toast for 5 minutes, stir, toast for another 3. 350*

1/4 Cups unsalted butter

1/3 Cup honey

1/4 Cup brown sugar

1/2 tsp Vanilla

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 Cup dried cranberries

1/4 Cup peanut butter chips

Take toasted oats and almonds and add to mixing bowl. Combine butter, honey, sugar, salt, vanilla in saucepan until melted. Add to oats and almonds. Mix in berries and chips. Line a 9x9 pan with foil and then add granola. Let sit for TWO HOURS(the hardest part) and then cut :) 

Yumm!

-ash

Excuse the possible spelling errors, my phone is horrible and the baby is waking up :)

A Little Bit Of Heaven On Earth

    
      A lot can change in a year...a YEAR...we were offline for that long, ladies! Life gets really busy and really hectic and somehow changes happen rapidly in that time!


      Last night my husband and I were perusing Target...grocery shopping at 9 o 'clock at night. As I was walking the isles, I kept thinking about all of the changes that I have coming up. My cardigan wrap was snug around my belly and the tie doesn't accentuate my waist like it was intended to...it now accentuates the growing bump and ties just under my chest. I was wondering how in the world I am going to handle all of the changes...when I read the book of my life, what is OUR story of becoming parents going to have written down? There are worries and fears and hopes and dreams and always the picture of what you want it to be like (but rarely ever is). I was rapid-firing out the negative thoughts. And then we walked by the baby girl isle...you know the one with the newborn outfits, receiving blankets and pacifiers in pink and lavender? And my heart melted. I get to be a MOTHER. A real-life MOTHER!


     I've always wanted to be a mom. Since I was a little girl. I had cabbage patch doll after cabbage patch doll...mostly matching twins sets with my sister. They even had names. Chloe and...hmm...I'm sure the other one was a beautiful name...


     Our old neighbor visited the other day with her three week old baby, Hudson. She let me hold him and I stared and stared at him. For the first time ever, I wasn't thinking, "One day I'll have a baby just like this." That "one day" is here! I actually get to have my very own baby...in a handful of short months! My very own. With her unique smell and features that I made with my husband! Isn't that magical? I can feel her move...sometimes quite intensely. It's no longer a guessing game if that was her or indigestion. It's her alright! And I can finally look back over the past year and realize how wonderful our Heavenly Father is in his perfect planning. I miss my job intensely...but I have a new job now. An eternal job. It doesn't come with a bi-monthly paycheck, or vacation benefits and sick time. It's sometimes lonely, especially since I love people so much (I would be the weirdo that would work at the DMV and actually like my job). But it's more important than ANY other job. And the world will never be able to convince me otherwise.


     I have time. I didn't have time before. Time to think about what I'm craving and actually MAKE breakfast. Time to clear my mind on a walk. Time to talk to her and sing to her. And write about growing her. It's a special season of life. And I am doing my best to soak it all in. Because the next one will also be special, but it won't be our first. And that "time" I'm talking about? I won't have such a generous portion then. I can't imagine only doing this once...I mean, the first time I saw her profile on the ultrasound screen, I turned to my husband and proudly proclaimed that we are, "doing this twelve more times!" The tech laughed. And he nodded with a huge grin. I love seeing him love her.


     We finished up our grocery shopping at Winco. Yes, THAT late at night. It was our thrill for the week...danger, danger! It didn't take long and we were both sleepy as we wheeled toward the checkout stand. As I was bagging groceries, I heard a really soft voice ask, "what are you having?" I almost fainted! Who was the angel who said that? I jolted my eyes up at her, threw up my hands, did a small dance (I forgot where I was for a second...you should have seen my husbands face) and proclaimed, "A girl! You can tell?!" The first time a stranger recognized that I am pregnant! A milestone for every mom...And my story says it happened at 10 0'clock at night, February 3rd 2014, at the checkout stand, bagging groceries, in Winco.

2/3-2/7 Dinners & My New Toy

Once again, I am only going to list out 5 dinners for the week.

Pretzel Dogs and Macaroni Salad

Ziti Al Forno from Pinterest and maybe a salad?  It has some veggies in it so I may just make it a one-pot-wonder.

Chef Salad (with egg, ham, turkey, cheese, green onion, carrots and Ranch) and Texas Roadhouse rolls.

Ham and Pineapple Pizza (homemade deep dish maybe?)

Sushi Rice and brocolli and some kind of asian-inspired chicken like Teriyaki or something?  I'm craving sushi rice and don't want to deal with making the rolls and the lovely mess that accompanies it.  Not to mention that Jordan and I spend about 30 minutes making rolls for the little people and watching them eat.  Seems like a recipe for a peaceful meal for us while they watch TV after their tummies are full, right?  Wrong.  Somehow sushi rice and sauce end up on every surface of the dining area and we scarf down a roll while standing to hurry and get the mess mopped up before it dries.  So, I'm skipping the rolls this week.

Now...to introduce my new toy. *drum roll please*

All of these were taken with the Nikon D3200.

I am definitely still learning and there is so much to learn, but this is so much fun!  I will keep posting samples of my learning projects and my favorite subjects.

Stef

Rambling About Stuff and Dinner Too...

2/27-2/31

I'm only going to be talking about our menu for the weekdays this week.  Here it is, in a nutshell:

*Sour Cream dolloped Cheese Enchilada's with Spanish rice sprinkled with cilantro
*Annie's Mac n Cheese and green fries (canned green beans)
*Avocado and shrimp sushi rolls or bowls, with that pink yummy sauce (of course)
*German pancakes with strawberry syrup and sausage patties
*Homemade pizza--probably olive and chicken or something

And that is that.  I'm tired.  Really tired.  Sore as all get out too.  We are getting our yard ready for a larger-than-normal garden this season, and that was no small task over the weekend.  Oh, the pain.  Let's pray for some rain so I don't have to watch my precious poopsies (veggie plants) shrivel up and die in the heat this summer.  Today the kids and I planted some seeds and are going to hope for some adorable seedlings in 12-16 days.  Baby plants.  So precious.  So tender.  So vulnerable.  We planted lavender, tomatoes, brussel sprouts, anaheim peppers, jalepenos, bulb onions, and basil.  We need to sow some seeds right in the dirt (zucchini, watermelon, string beans and some other random things that we just have to watch grow).  I've decided to stagger plantings this year.  In a couple of weeks we will start more of the same seeds and then a couple weeks later we will plant more.  So we will stagger our transplants over about 6 weeks.  This way we won't get bombarded with roughly 12 million tomatoes, 500 onions and 250 giant zucchini all at once.  The plan is to do some canning with our loot this year.  I technically know how to can, but every single time I do it is overwhelming because I just don't do it enough.  So, anyone who wants to *ahem* "practice their canning skills" is welcome to invite themselves on over on any canning day I plan.  ;-)  I hope to get some bread and butter pickles put away as well as strawberry freezer jam.  It would be really fun to get a little strawberry patch flourishing.  Obviously there are some lofty homesteading dreams floating around this little house right now.  One day at a time.  Seeds are started so now it's time to dial in the drip system and finish up the tilling of the dirt.

Maybe you are wondering if I'm staying busy to distract myself right now.  To that I say, "You bet your sweet pippy!!"  All of my focus and energy was being directed at growing that baby only a short  8 weeks ago and changing gears is not so easy.  Add the hormone cocktail to that and I desperately needed a change of focus.  I lay in bed at night and mentally remodel and/or redecorate each room in the house, one at a time.  I wish you all could see how beautiful this house is in my head around midnight.  :-)  Beautiful changes!  After the surgery I wanted everything different.  Every familiarity was a reminder.  Really dark time right there.  Emotionally I am doing much better and it doesn't hurt as much, so that's a good thing.  But it is part of me now.  And I think that is a good thing too.  It doesn't come up much anymore with the kids.  That's probably good too.  When it does come up they refer to it as "the dead baby" or "the baby that died."  I read a few articles on helping kids cope with these things and they all suggested naming the baby.  Psychologically that gives the experience a place in the family and personalizes the loss.  Legitimizes the experience.  I figured I probably can't screw my kids up anymore than I already have so we decided to name that baby.  He/she will now be referred to as Zane (possibly Zana "if it is a girl and she doesn't like the name Zane"-Jake) Parker Lloyd Titone.  Zane Parker Lloyd Titone.  I thought it was beautiful and fitting.  Ashley and Ben bought me a beautiful necklace as a memento to remember Zane Parker Lloyd by.  It says, "Until I hold you in heaven, I will hold you in my heart."  It is a round pendant and has two teeny tiny footprints in the center of it.  It is beautiful and perfect.  And life, though not easy, is beautiful and perfect as well.  And I am going to enjoy what I DO have here and now and I am going to change what I want to change and I'm going to can veggies, and smash strawberries and pickle cucumbers because I can.  And I'm going to enjoy the crap out of every minute because this minute will never pass by here again.

Stef